Sex by Design
Why You’re Not Having the Sex You Want
Get clear on what’s blocking sex and connection so you can decide whether to repair your current relationship or create a new one that actually fits.
For adults 18+ Delivered by email Complete at your own pace
Get the Intimacy Audit
Enter your first name and email, and we’ll send a confirmation message.
The familiar loop
You do not need another communication tip
The problem is not just stress or busyness.
It is avoiding what you truly want while chasing a persona.
What do you want from this relationship?
Until that is clear, the loop continues:
- Telling yourself it’s “not that bad”
- Feeling more alone than when you were single
- Debating whether to repair the relationship or leave it
Five areas to consider
See where disconnection is showing up
This is not a personality quiz or a verdict about your relationship. It is a structured reflection across five areas:
Desire
The sexual pull has changed, and you want language for what you are noticing.
Resentment
Unresolved experiences may be shaping how close you feel.
Avoidance
Something feels off, but it remains unspoken.
Compatibility
You may want different things from sex, intimacy, or the relationship.
Truth
What you want has been difficult to name, even to yourself.
First, notice the area that resonates today. Then explore a recurring pattern that may be keeping it in place.
What you’ll explore
Inside The Intimacy Audit
Map the disconnection
Work through five areas to notice where intimacy feels strained, absent, or unclear right now.
Explore a recurring pattern
Consider five lenses—the Performer, Shapeshifter, Controller, Ghost, and Compromiser. Each includes what the pattern can look like, what may shape it, what it can cost, and one practice for working with it.
Name the relationship you want
Put words to relationship structure, how responsibility and decisions are shared, emotional and sexual agreements, and personal non-negotiables.
Choose what deserves attention next
Identify a question, conversation, professional resource, or decision you may want to explore. You do not need to make a relationship decision today.
A considered starting point
This audit may be useful if…
- You are in a relationship and feel sexually or emotionally disconnected
- Your work, health, or routines feel easier to manage than your relationship
- You are tired of calling it stress when you know it is something deeper
- You want structured prompts rather than generic advice
- You want to reflect before deciding what kind of conversation or support comes next
What happens next
A clear request, with no intimate details in the form
Request the audit
Enter your first name and email address.
Confirm your email
Check your inbox for a confirmation message from Sex by Design.
Receive the audit
After you confirm, we’ll send the audit. Delivery can take a few minutes.
The essentials
Questions before you begin
Is this therapy or a diagnosis?
No. It is an educational reflection tool for adults. It does not provide therapy, medical advice, a diagnosis, or a verdict about your relationship.
Do I need to share my answers with a partner?
No. Share only what you choose, and only when sharing feels safe.
What do you ask for in the signup form?
Your first name and email address. Do not enter intimate or relationship details in the form.
What happens after I submit?
We’ll ask you to confirm your email. After confirmation, we’ll send the audit. Delivery can take a few minutes.
Begin privately
Give the questions your full attention
Use The Intimacy Audit to examine where disconnection is showing up, what pattern may be repeating, and what deserves attention next.